To this point, my life has been an amalgam of many different things: hurt, disappointment, gladness, sorrow, loss, joy, inability, unworthiness, love…
If you think you’re seeing a pattern, you’re right. For a portion of my life, I was in a place where happiness was very short-lived, if ever experienced. Though small, that time had a profound effect on my days since. People say that you remember the bad much more than the good in life. Bad news travels fast, and most times, good news doesn’t even make it on the radar.
Married at 22. Pregnant at 25. Separated at 27. Divorced at 30. Single mom. No job. Food stamps. Living with my parents. Not exactly the life I had imagined for myself. In fact, it wasn’t even close. But, I had no one to blame but myself. I didn’t marry the man God had for me. I was heartbroken and sad and had no self-worth, despite years of being raised in church and knowing that God has a specific plan for all of our lives. I caused hurt and harm to far too many people because, at 21, I was prideful and stubborn.
That’s a tough thing to admit. (Especially on the Internet for everybody to see.)
But, I knew that there had to be something beyond the mess I’d created for myself. So, I went against everything I’d ever been taught, and I left my marriage. I was a broken, empty shell of a person, but God softened my edges, threw me on the wheel, and began again. See, He didn’t make the mistake of creating me. I made the mistake of wasting His creation.
This is just the beginning of this journey, and I’m so glad you’ve decided to join me. The reason I’m telling this story is not so everyone can know what I’ve been through. It’s so others who’ve walked this road can understand:
[it may be unfulfilled, it may be unrestored,
but when anything that’s shattered is laid before the Lord,
just watch and see, it will not be unredeemed]