There’s a post circulating on Facebook about a man showing his love through everyday things instead of big romantic gestures. Maybe you’ve seen it. The author talks about how her husband pushes the grocery cart and opens doors and calls to see if she needs anything on the way home. She goes on to tell how her husband loves her in ways that took time to recognize as love. Then, she ends the post by saying finding a man who will push your grocery cart is better than a man who will buy you flowers and cook you gourmet meals.
I’m here to say two things.
One: I was married to the guy who opened doors, filled my car with gas, pushed the grocery cart, held my bag while I shopped…he did all the things. But, he wasn’t for me.
Two: The man I’m married to now, my second husband, doesn’t open many doors. He doesn’t pump my gas. He doesn’t push the grocery cart. He doesn’t even go to the grocery store with me or for me. And, we shop for almost everything we buy online. So, no need to hold the bag. But, please.
Hear me when I say this:
This. Man. Is. The. Perfect. Husband. For. Me.
I read the Facebook post, and (complete transparency) my immediate reaction was, “I wish Michal did these things for me.” And, then I caught myself and took that thought captive. That’s exactly what the enemy wanted me to think. He wants so badly to permeate our thought life.
Here’s the thing. My husband works a difficult job. He manages over 30 people with 30 different personalities and their own separate issues. He is accountable to people to whom he doesn’t even report. He is a corporate director at the largest healthcare system in our region. Seven hospitals and hundreds of physician practices are under his purview within certain areas.
So, the fact that he doesn’t offer to stop at the grocery store on the way home or doesn’t want to go back out and fill the truck up with gas for me does. not. bother. me. Like, at all.
This is how he loves me: he comes home to a house that could be cleaner and tidier and more put together and says, “You look like you’ve had a productive day,” or “the kitchen looks really good, Em”. He sits and talks to me about absolutely nothing in the evenings when he’s out of words for the day. He watches The Voice with me when he’d probably rather be watching…well, anything else.
He loves me in my love language.
Not in his.
This. This is what you should strive for: a man that loves you the way you need to be loved. Not a man who does what works for himself or someone else.
Maybe your love language is acts of service. If that’s the case, then the door-opening and cart-pushing and tampon-buying will be what you should want and seek.
Maybe it’s physical touch and you respond well to your husband walking in and wrapping you in a hug as soon as he walks in.
Maybe it’s words of affirmation (like me) and you need to be verbally validated for the things you’ve contributed to the family that day.
Maybe it’s quality time and you just want a man to sit and play cards or a board game with you.
Maybe it’s gifts and your husband walking in from work with something you love is the one thing that makes you feel loved.
But, here’s the crux of it ALL: seek what you need. Not what others tell you to look for.